staying curious as a first principle

Overoptimization is the geomancy of systems architecture — some fool, some time ago

…or the early stages of a deeper understanding of their process? That depends on your chosen lens. Mine says: why not both?

I have come to realise that most of my smart optimisations are stumbled upon, and utilised often unconsciously, sometimes for decades before I can surface a notion, let alone a deep understanding of why the fuck I do what I do.

In autistic circles, we refer to ourselves as having “spiky profiles” ¹ — yes I may look like a clusterfucked jibber much of the time, and yes I am, thank you for asking, but if you spend the time to coax and tease and play around with our mess, then the upside has legs a mile long. Not only for our personal wellbeing, but for those who collaborate with us, and those who build systems and even for-profit products that deliver.

Let’s break the jibber down.

What looks from outside like fussiness, distraction, or excessive tinkering is doing several distinct jobs simultaneously:

1. Stim — in this context, a stim is finding ways to blow off enough nervous energy to focus and distract ourselves into a monotropic flow state ², which builds strong buffers that anxiety away like it’s not even there. We redirect the discomfort into something positive.

2. Divided attention / PDA cycling ³ — I have found the best fit for my regulatory architecture is to split my attention between two to four projects at any given time. This avoids a crash of overwhelm stuck inside one pressurized task. Resistance levels overflowing on task A? => flip to B or C. B now slowing to the point of boredom? => back to A or C. Rinse. Repeat.

3. Flow scaffolding — the scaffolding I’ve arrived at for my own regulatory architecture via Autism, ADHD, perhaps a PDA*, schizoid leanings via the ups and downs of family, Irish, and other cultural scopes lead to many nuances that will not fit for this exact subtype of subtypes, but with a preference for electronics or engines over software and workflows. Even a brief consideration of these many paths, and the countless beyond, arrives quickly at a place where we must choose our own adventures and find our own fits. Yes, autistic people are skilled at these custom designs inherent in our life experiences — uncomfortable in ill-fitting suits. But I believe all humans desire and benefit from this nuanced understanding of self. Choose your own adventures.

A single tinkering session may hit all three simultaneously. That’s efficiency, not waste.

An itch so mild it never needs scratching for most, led me to the most unproductive of productivity optimisations. That has profound upside to my personal understanding, growth, and the joy of just doing a job. That’s some of my journey’s upside. I believe, at my core, that we all have that value, and the capacity for that joy for ourselves and others within reach.

That’s why I find it important to be open, curious, and playful in exploring and discovering what works. Trust yourself, because cynicism is a blocker to self-understanding and the creative process in many contexts.

I hope to jibber all the way through this strange, looping adventure. Within mostly reasonable ranges of anxious joy. This explainer of my process was thrown together in a scattered, higgeldy pig side quest while tinkering with a colour scheme change designed to warn me I was in edit mode while learning a new programming language. That is my quasi-chosen path of continuous learning and growing. Enjoy yours.

for the easter egg bunnies out there, the footnotes are sidequests to feed your own monotropic wyrmholes. choose your own adventures, and enjoy!